Welcome to my farm!
I have a game for you to play if you wish. (Warnings: possible surreal/disorienting aspects of plot)

Where would you like to go?

You wake up in a melon patch. It is currently 12 am, according to a giant clock next to you. You look around. On a nearby pumpkin, there is a note written in silver sharpie.

"WAIT UNTIL EXACTLY 2AM, AND PLOW THE FIELDS."

What do you do?

Suddenly, a huge tractor appears in front of you.

"Come with me," it says solemnly. "You have passed the test and summoned me."

What do you do?

You run into a nearby town. Do you:

You end up in an old library with a treasure box on the ground and a door at the far end. Do you:

Congratulations! You are now the very proud owner of many magical carrots that will fulfill all of your desires.
I am very proud of you. You deserve this! Have fun with your newfound treasure.

You find yourself in a small farmhouse.

There is a large stadium in the basement. Onlookers cheer from the stands, as you are brought into the middle.

The Council of Attacker Tractors has gathered in the center. It is a solemn occasion.

"Today, we are here to discuss an important issue! The rights of several important members of our society have been wronged, and we mustn't let this continue," booms a furious-looking green tractor.

"All in favor of continuing the discussion, say AYE! All in favor of moving on, say NAY!"

The room is quiet, punctuated by a few hushed murmurs.

Your shrill voice rings through the air, scaring a good number of the tractors around you as you yell out:

You attempt to sell the pumpkin to a frustrated farmer. However, he is agitated because his cousin painted his farmhouse the wrong color, and now he cannot return to his property. You shove the pumpkin at him, and he screams in horror. This was his pumpkin!

The melon patch you woke up in belonged to him! He thinks you graffitied and destroyed one of his precious offspring. He throws you in the town jail and tells you that he'll take you to court tomorrow.

While in your cell, do you:

You have several reading options.

The diary reads as follows:
December 024, 1969

I rose at 4 in the morning. I milked a few goats and then fed them to my cows. The hens laid 3/2 (two and a half) eggs.
It was a fine morning to till soil.
I did all the usual farm errands--collecting the eggs, feeding the cats, shucking the corn.
Good haul
Good deeds
At 9am, I stepped outside to briefly roast a few of my friends--the healthy potatoes. Tan and wealthy, they provided a good breakfast for my cattle.

The orders came streaming in--after all, I am the most popular farmer in the county. Heck, I may be the most loved farmer in all of Ohio! Ppl asking for beans, for squash, for angry bees. I raised my prices after noon, as I deserved a better pay.
Really frustrating how low a farmer's wages are
After 3, I tripled my prices. I wanted a mansion with lots of sports cars. After all, it's almost 1968! I have 12 car garage but I only got 6 cars.

A woman marched onto my farm at precisely 3:18 pm. Delightful. I am a poor young old frustrated farmer.
She asked kindly for my fleshiest prawns, rock cod, dried fungus, squid. A marvelous Christmas dinner!
She paid me.

I rushed out to the back, determined to give her fine seafood. I hopped on my trusty Segway and zoomed off into the fields.
First, I stopped at my egg fields to get a few eggs. I needed to visit my fungus barn next, and I wanted to provide a tasty snack for anyone who could give me excellent fungus.
When I reached the barn, my hens were delighted to see me. I beat egg whites and egg yolks into a delicious concoction. They savored my marvelous meal and were overjoyed to provide me with fresh fungus, already dried. I was delighted.
"Y'all have outdone my wildest expectations!" I cried. "YES Rob, you most absolutely may visit your wife and children next year."

next rushed over to my squid crops, were growing nicely. I choose some nice ones. Dug them out of ground. Really in hurry now, as I have more orders

Quickly harvested a few beavers for my cousin Hanny's cocktail party on Wednesday.


Rock cod was the most common of all. I really must get to my other orders.

Finally, prawns. I did not like getting prawns, ugly business.
"My good fellow!" I called to my neighbor. "Please, could I borrow some prawns? In return, I will offer my services as the best man at your wedding."
My neighbor was all too happy to oblige. She commanded her dog, Fido, to produce a few prawns and bestowed them upon me with a warm glare.

Rushed off to give the goods.

After long thought and consideration, my lifelong goal to be a farmer has been too enjoyable. I shall now quit.

I am no longer a frustrated farmer. I am a resigned farmer. Thank you.

You have recieved a gift! Here are several bunny photos and a bonus prize!